Thursday, January 27, 2011

#5 Womanizers Flood

My work phone is this simple piece of shit:
This is actually much better than the phone I had prior to this "upgrade," which was this relic. (Nextel.  Remember them?  Push to talk, y'all.)

Instead of a phone, I call it a baby monitor.
"Wah. My fridge doesn't work!"
"Boo Hoo. I locked myself out."
"Someone's parking in my spot. Harumph!"
"WAH.  I'm hot! Teach me how to use the A/C."

The baby call I hate most is "My place is flooded."
This has happened on more than one occasion.  The most memorable was one at 2:30 am on a Saturday night.  I was passed out from a night of drinking.
*Ring Ring*
Me: ugh...hello...
Tenant: Hey, Mapple, it's raining in our place.
Me: Let me put some pants on, and I'll be up there.

I go up to the 11th floor, and their place, is indeed raining.  The floors are concrete, and concrete is porous.  If the unit above has a lot of water on the floor, then it will leak straight into the unit below.  I go to the penthouse unit directly above them to see what was going on.
After knocking on the door, and no answer, I bust in with my master key.  I am allowed to do this, as it is considered an emergency.
Upon entering, I am standing in a shallow pool of water covering the entire floor.  I then hear
"Who's there? *splash splash* Oh shit, there's water everywhere.

Turns out, this tenant's toilet is flooding, and has been for however long it takes to flood an 880 sqft space.  The dumb bitch was just sleeping through it.  She's all distraught because her laptop is ruined, as it was laying on the floor. She tells me she's a singer-songwriter, all of her music was on it, and she's never backed up her hard-drive.

Now, when I hear singer-songwriter, I think of a girl singing about ex-boyfriends to tourists with her guitar case open for tips.  What singer-songwriter can afford a penthouse? Apparently, the one that wrote this song.

She calls her husband and explains to him that the toilet was "just silently flooding." BULLSHIT.  You know that noise that toilets make when they're running. It is most definitely not silent.
In my drunken stupor, I just start soaking up water with towels.  I call maintenance, and he comes over 20 minutes later to mop it up.  I'm drunk, tired, wet from the knees down, and very angry, as that bitch just sits on her spiral staircase complaining about her computer and taking shots of Patron.  Not helping, not offering.

The culprit of the toilet flood was a maxi pad lodged in the pipe.  Every woman over the age of 13 knows you are not supposed to flush that shit.  

After that gets cleaned up, I then have to deal with the guys in the unit below, and the water that has leaked into their place.  Insurance matters ensue, and it's a huge bitch.

There went 2.5 hours of precious, drunken sleep-time.
This job sucks.


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