#1 Pigeon

I have this tenant.  She goes by the name of a black bird, named after a famous Poe poem and an NFL team that Poe is from, but for anonymity's sake, let's name her "Pigeon."

Pigeon is the most ghetto tenant in my whole building.  I believe she chose to live in an expensive building because she wants to move up in the world, and leave the hood behind.  Start fresh, and live a new life for her and her child.  The building is mostly occupied by young professionals, well-paid artists and fashion design students.  She doesn't understand that not everyone is from the hood, as she has never NOT lived in the hood.  She treats everyone as if she still lives in  Hawthorne Heights.

• One time she threatened these two young lesbians on her floor that she will "pop a cap in they knees".  

• She calls me complaining about how the maintenance took her dimmer lights because they broke, and replaced them with regular lights.  She wants her dimmers back, because she has a boyfriend and likes to "keep it sexy".  That is not an unreasonable complaint, I understand.  We all like to keep it sexy every once in awhile.  It was the voicemail she left me,

"Mapple, the maintenance guy came in and took my dimmer lights.  Yo, I need my lights back, I'm not feelin' this.  I be chillin with them low lights.  How you gon' come up in here and take my lights, for real.  I want them back, so I can move the lights up and down  like when I first moved up in here.  I'm not feelin' this. This is Pigeon. Call me back."

• She calls me at 3am the other night.  I didn't answer.  She does not leave a voicemail.  She calls me back during normal hours. 

"Mapple, this is Pigeon.  I got ghosts!  I woke up in the middle of the night with someone bangin' on my door.  Yo, I ain't got no beef with anyone down here, and when I check the door, ain't nobody there.  I got ghosts up in there.  But I ain't scared of them because they can't come in my house.  I got a priest up in here so they don't come in.  Now they stuck in the hall, bangin' on my door."

What the fuck am I to do with that?  I'm sorry, your lease doesn't cover paranormal activity.
Fuck.