Tuesday, April 5, 2011

#15 Bosh Bischer

This next tale is about another baby.  For anonymity's sake, we'll name him Bosh Bischer.  This is basically his name with a letter or two switched out (or is it a dude whose first name is really Bosh?).


With a building of over 400 people, that's an impressive feat.
He's a Hollywood agent type, like Ari Gold, but real, and not as charming.

First day he moves in:
Bosh "Look at this spot on the cabinet, I need it painted"
Mapple "You're being super nit-picky.  I don't even see what you're talking about."
Bosh "You want me to be nit-picky?  I'll be nit-picky!  The fridge is making a noise, there's a mark on the wall above the kitchen cabinet all the way up there, and there's a scratch on the floor. Give me a discount!"
Mapple "Dude, whatever, I'll talk to my maintenance guy about this.  And you just made that scratch on the floor with your couch."
I knew I was in for it from that day on.   
He calls maintenance daily about little shit that doesn't matter.  They eventually got fed up with him, and told him if he needs something done, to fill out a maintenance request form.  After that, he would call saying it's an emergency, and his place was flooding.  It wasn't.  "That's the only way I can get you guys to come in here, if I say there's an emergency."
Bosh had this giant bull mastiff, and instead of taking it outside, he would open up the stairwell, and let it just pee in the stairwell.  He swore up and down it wasn't him.  I even put up a sign that said:
What are you doing?  Why would you even use these stairs on the 11th floor?  Is it to let your dog pee?  Please don't do it.
It's obvious you don't clean it up.  You are making the hall smell. 
This is all your fault.   It's teaching your dog a horrible lesson.
It  makes you a bad dog owner.
He then gave the dog away, and the peeing stopped.  Mystery solved.  

Another time, his other dog peed in the hall near the building's cleaning lady, and he said to her, "HEY! Clean that. It's your job." 
He's also the kind of person that doesn't pick up after his dog, nor does he keep it on a leash. 
Bosh went away for two months, and he had his friend stay in his unit.  He told his friend that rent was way more than it really was, so he can make a profit from his friend.  His friend is also a literal pimp.  This pimp had one of his 'girls' stay with him. (She eventually got a unit of her own.) Amazingly, though, I much preferred the pimp.  He was a cool guy (a classy celebrity clientele pimp, not this kind of pimp), and I would rather have him as a tenant that Bosh. 
That was a blissful two months, with no calls, texts or emails from him. 

Then he comes back, and the shittiness ensues.
All this by just ONE person.  One terrible human being.
Only bad pet owners allow their dogs to act like this.  Also, hilarious photo, right?
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