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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

#18 Bosh Bischer is gone!

If you recall, the biggest asshole in my building is Bosh Bischer.  He left to go to Brazil for several months, and he came back in February.  He made his presence known when he came back because he called and emailed me every other day about transferring to a different unit.
I had to take the time to show him every unit I had or ones that were coming up, to have him haggle with me on each and every single one.

Me: You can't downgrade within your lease unless you find someone to replace you, and they have to sign a new lease
Bosh: Just do me a favor, baby.  Find someone for me.  
Me: No, the whole point is for you to do all the work, because I get nothing out of this helping you out.  
Bosh: Fine, I'll just upgrade.  This show I produced just got picked up by the Oprah channel.  I just got a check for $40,000.
Me: Okay, which one do you want to upgrade to?
Bosh: One of the penthouses
Me: I don't have a penthouse available
Bosh: How about that one on the 3rd floor, how much is it?
Me: It's $1950
Bosh: I'll take it if you can get it to me for $1695 and you paint the stairs red for me.
Me: No
---------------one week later--------------
Bosh: Hey Mapple, can you give me that unit on the 10th floor that I saw?
Me: No, it's a downgrade. You can't downgrade.
Bosh: Help me out, Mapple. We're friends!  I'm broke.  I can't afford my place anymore.
He says this shit, completely forgetting how he told me how much money he had a week prior.
Intolerable.

Bosh continues to text, email and call me non stop about transferring to a cheaper unit, and getting two other tenants involved, which end up not wanting to deal with him, and instead complain about him to me.  This bullshit goes on for two months.   It's all an unneeded pain in my ass.
--------------------
I get an email from one of my fellow resident managers in another one of our buildings:

Hi Mapple ,
Hope all is well.
So, Bosh Bischer wants to transfer into my PH10 here. It’s listed at $2000. He wants to see if he can rent it at $1800.
Let me know what you need from me.
Thanks, Natalie 

Holy Shit. All is well.  Bosh decides to just go to another one of our buildings!  This is one of the best emails I could ever receive.  
I think it's over, but, of course, it's not.  He is still downgrading, which is not allowed, so I have to set up a meeting for him to talk to my boss.   He annoys my boss so much, that the boss just lets him transfer over, without finding a replacement, but doesn't reduce the rent.  
This news, of course, makes me insanely happy to get this fucker out of my building.  Bosh, however, does not leave quietly. 
*ring ring*
Me: Hey, you need to sign your new lease
Bosh: Come up to my place
Me: No, I'm not there, and you should come to the office
I find myself on his floor doing other shit anyway, and I go to his place, he's not there.
Me: Where are you?  You said you'd be at your place
Bosh: I'm on the rooftop at the pool. Come up.
I'm so anxious to just get him the fuck out, so I meet him at the rooftop pool.  He's just lounging around, and I'm making him sign papers while he's sunning.  At this moment, I realize how much of a servant I look and feel like.  
Bosh: Hey, do you see my arms?  I've been working out.
Me: That's great, Bosh, just hurry up.
Bosh: Wait, this says 12-month, I just wanted a 6-month lease!
Then he proceeds to call my head office to bitch, and they said he can't have a 6 month lease.  This is taking up more annoying time.  Then one of my other tenants jumps in the pool.
Bosh: Who the fuck does this guy think he is?  Doesn't he see I'm signing papers?  What a dumbass...
Me: Bosh, just sign the fucking lease.  I have to go.
And after a few more minutes of trying to convince him to sign his lease, he finally signs it.  This, however, is not as blissful as I thought it would be, because by then, I was sweaty from being on the rooftop in a sweater, angry that he's wasted so much of my time, and I had to hurry to an audition.  

After all of this, this motherfucker is FINALLY gone from my building.  The witch is dead!

The other resident manager calls me:
Natalie: WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? TAKE HIM BACK!
Me: Now someone else understands the suffering I had to go through.  I'm free!
Natalie: I hate you.
Me: I know.  I'm sorry.  

Now I have another guy that has inherited the asshole crown.  He's four notches down on the asshole pole from Bosh, so it's not that bad.  More about that guy later. 
symbolism

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