Tuesday, April 12, 2011

#16 This Week

Let's go over what happened this past week that sucked my ass:
  • I had to yell at the security company about the security guard that made me pick up human shit, so he would have less shifts because I hate him
  • Some baby called me at 1am crying about how he was locked out, and didn't pay me.  Of course, for that, every time I see him, I will ask him about it and annoy him until he does pay me
  • Pigeon called me five times this week for no reason, and then called the night security guard to tell him what she's making for dinner and chit-chat...which he then complained to me about
  • I got a report from another useless security guard that said there was puke in the alley, I don't know why he needed to tell me that.  It's just a waste of paper.  
  • Two out of the three babies I currently have in eviction tried to squirrel their way out of paying less, then yelled at me about what they're lawyers told them. 
  • I had to collect rent, and argue with another asshole baby about how he refuses to pay until the 5th
  • These new babies left a giant fridge in the hall, which I had to harp on them for it.  Why did they even bring it?  They know that a fridge was included.  I got so many complaints about it. 
  • I had to use a Magic Eraser to rub off poorly drawn, but detailed, veiny penises with eyeballs, off a hallway wall near the gym
  • A baby tried to make hush puppies, and instead caused a grease fire, which ended up looking like this:
Pretty gnarly, right?

The microwave actually still worked

He also melted his faucet in the sink.  This cost him $300 for us to fix and replace his shit
In my other life as an actor, I had three auditions.  I didn't book any of them, so this goddamn job continues.


Rabbit said...

I have been in touch with all my agent contacts in LA, to make sure you don't get any gigs. I want the suffering and stories to continue.

Anonymous said...

Hey, there is some puke in the back alley and I'm going to lock myself out. My lawyer said screaming is the only effective thing to do to prove your point when talking to apartment managers. Also ===========(0) <----penis with eyeball. Magic eraser that off!

Natalia said...

This is unbelievable!! Thanks for the giggles and reminding me that maybe my job ain't so bad. What a bunch of 'tards. good luck & try to stay sane.

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