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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

#13 Hooker Cat

*ring ring*
"Hey, this is John in 712, I found a cat in the hall meowing, and I put it in my bathroom because I'm really allergic.  I need to use my bathroom now, so can you take this cat and put it in your office?"
"It's just a random cat you found?  Did you put up signs?"
"Yes, and I'm telling them to call you or Security.  Can you just take it away, I really need to use the bathroom."
"I guess we can put it in the office bathroom."

Now I have to deal with this cat, and I'm crazy allergic to cats.  It is in my office, and has the loudest meow I've ever heard.  I feel bad for it, so much to my chagrin, I let it wander around the office, even though the sight of a cat makes me itch.

I tell security, put up signs, and I emailed everyone on the 7th floor.  I get responses like, "That cat should have a tag" "It's not mine, but I heard that fucker meowing last night in the hall," but the only response I want is "that's mine. Thanks."

The day is over and no one has claimed it. I leave this cat in the model bedroom because it won't leave from underneath the model bed.  The bathroom smells like cat urine, and I don't know what cats do if there's no litter box.  I have no food for it, and my dog is so fascinated, that she won't leave the thing alone, (BTW, I bring my dog to the office sometimes) so the cat is freaked out by that and won't leave from underneath the bed.

The next day, I still get no response.  The cat remains under the bed, I'm sure making it smell like cat piss.  I continue my day, full knowing that there is a cat in the room, and the bathroom still reeks.  I tried feeding the cat this leftover chicken parmesan that was in the fridge.  (Dude, I don't know what cats eat!) All I can think about is how this thing is peeing everywhere.  I thought about leaving the windows open so it'll just jump out or go somewhere else, but I guess that's wrong.  Goddamn it, now it's my responsibility. 

At 11pm that evening, I get an email, "is it a black and white cat with a rainbow collar?" Yes.  Turns out, it's the cat of this 19-year old, high-class prostitute that lives on the 7th floor.  Upon moving in, she said she was a Hustler model, which was true, but I didn't think that a spank mag model makes enough to pay for a $1700 one-bedroom loft.  I later found out that she is a well-paid whore, like the kind that services celebrities. I told her to save her money.
She went out of town and the cat slipped out, so that's why I had the fucking thing for so long.  The next day, that's Day 3 of this allergy ridden cat fiasco, I carried the cat like it was biohazard to the hooker's unit.  Dropped it off at her place, and took a shower.

I really hate cats...and this goddamn job.
This is my dog not leaving this stupid cat alone

Here's the cat again, just giving me allergies

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Plz post picz of teh hooker. Spank you.

Phero Klendathu said...

ur dawg lookz like a cat, mayling.

Cineletty said...

Leave it to hooker to not take care of her...cat.

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