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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

#14 Pigeon II

At 8am, I get a call from AT&T, and I let it go to voicemail.  Soon after that, I get a call from Pigeon, who as also left me a voicemail.

YOU HAVE TWO NEW VOICEMAILS.  
FIRST MESSAGE:
AT&T Guy: Hi, Mapple, your resident Pigeon is being very unreasonable.  She keeps calling me a racist, and you know I am of Hispanic origin, and I take offense to this.  Now she won't let me back into her unit to install her cable.  There isn't anyone else that can service this building.  Can you call my supervisor?"

MESSAGE (noted and) DELETED

NEXT MESSAGE:
Pigeon: Mapple!  The cable guy is telling me he ain't installin' my cable.  I know he's installin' cable in other people's places.  He's racist!  I need another cable man.  Call me back! 

MESSAGE SAVED

I called AT&T and asked him what the deal was.  He said that her TV was too far from the wall jack, and he's not allowed to install cable longer than 6ft.  She didn't understand that, and just got all pissed off at him, demanding he leave and never come back.
I then called Pigeon, told her that she needs to calm down,  and let him install her cable.  I told her that I'll help her move the TV if she can't do it by herself.  She said she was fine with the cable guy coming back, but I had to be present, too.

I get to Pigeon's unit, and I have gotten myself into way too much shit, because I went from being a presence in the room to becoming her interior designer/furniture mover.  Since she moved her TV across the room, she now has to move the rest of her crap. It was a lot her deciding whether or not having the couch in a certain place was "...cute.  You feel me?"
After moving it several times, we ended up leaving the couch in it's original position, and moving everything else.  There was also statements like "I think this would make a good walk way" "That ain't even" "That ain't as cute" "Where is my man?" "I am not feelin' moving this heavy shit in this outfit."

For 45 minutes, I'm moderately sweaty from moving furniture, while Pigeon is barking orders at me.  The whole time, the cable guy is silently installing her cable.  I did all of this because I didn't want her paying attention to him, so he can do what he needs to do and leave.  Like distracting Sauron's gaze.  It was, instead, fixated towards me and her couches. 

Her cable was installed, I had rearranged her whole living room, and Pigeon was happy.  I walked out with the cable guy with a sense of accomplishment.  Like maybe this will be the last time I hear from her.

Much to my chagrin, but luckily for you, it's not. 
The Eye of Pigeon

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just wait until you have to evict a tenant. That is a rite of passage like none other. I worked at an apartment while I was in grad school - a year and a half of crazy people. You'll know way too much about these people, and have stories that will entertain your friends for countless happy hours. I guess what I'm saying is, welcome to the fellowship of the builings.

-Albert

Mapple said...

Oh, dude, with a building of 214 units, you think I haven't evicted people? I have about two a month. That's the non-amusing shit I have to deal with, that does not make for good story-telling.

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