Monday, January 17, 2011

#2 Security: Poop

At the front desk of my building sits a security guard.  They usually deal with checking guests in, noise complaints, receiving packages.  Generally useless.

I love the two main guards during normal business hours , but on the weekends the security company sends in the oldest,  non-English speaking guards.  They suck so hard.  If there were an actual occurrence where there was a real security issue, I would not trust these geriatrics to save me or anyone.

I got woken up on Sunday (10am) with a call from a tenant saying there is shit right outside the side door entrance.  Maintenance and housekeeping does not working Sunday, so guess who had to get a shovel?  I assure you, it was not dog poop, but homeless zombie feces. Good thing the dumpster is right next to the door so it was a quick shovel job, but it was still nightmarish.

*it just sucks, on one hand, I sit in a chair and get my hair and makeup done, and people stick a camera in my face and I smile, in the other hand is a shovel with human feces on it. Suck.*

After I do this, TWO HOURS LATER, a useless weekend security guard calls me to tell me people have been complaining about poop outside the door, and I should do something about it.  I told him that that I handled it already.
What the fuck is he doing that he doesn't call me for another two hours, and doesn't even check to see if it's still there?  These dudes are literally sitting there at the desk staring at a security monitor.
I don't know what else he could be doing.  Not speaking English, that's for fucking sure.
minus the gun, you get it
Please continue to my next security guard story.
It's like a choose your own adventure, but you only have once choice, and it's to read about how horrible this job is.

P.S. I have been told this entry is mildly racist.  It's not. It's more elderly-ist.
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