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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

#28 Jumper

While sitting on my couch eating Cheez-Its, and I get a call from the resident manager next door:
"Hey, are you here?"
"Yeah"
"Oh, so you know."
"No. What."
"You have a jumper."

Fan-fucking-tastic.  I actually find this news exhilarating.  As I was running down the stairs, I figured that it was some idiot that found a tall building to jump off of.  Then I got annoyed as to how this idiot got in the building.  After thoughts of annoyances, I realized that that was actually not the case.
When I got to the lobby, the cops were looking for me.   They wanted me to open a door on the 9th floor.
"Do you know an Aaron?"
"Yes, 918, Aaron Green."
"He's the one on the roof.  We need you to open his door, but don't go in.  We'll do that.  There may be dead bodies."
"Um, ok."
I opened the door and they busted in.  There was no one in there but a small dog. While the cops are searching his place, I get on the phone with someone that works at my head office.
"Hey, you know that tenant that used to always pay late, Aaron Green?"
(some girl walking by interrupts me) "Did you say Aaron Green?  I know him!"
(to her) "Well, he's on the roof, (back to the phone) so yeah, he's about to jump, and I don't know what to do..." and I trail off and the chick at the head office tells me to go up, get a police report, and any insurance information (irritated eye roll).
When I get up to the roof, the cops won't let me by, and the girl that I saw in the hall was freaking the fuck out.
"What's you're deal?"
"Aaron is my ex-boyfriend.  I just broke up with him."
"Eeeh."   I replied.
What I really wanted to say was "Oh, bitch, this shit is YOUR fault!"

Since the cops won't let me up the pool area, I know another way where I can watch.  Here's all I could see.

Just a bunch of cops hanging around.  Turns out, he went over the gate of the pool, and our security guard Naseem and another tenant, that just happened to be at the hot tub, grabbed onto him and held him so he wouldn't fall.  Then the cops came and handcuffed him to the gate.  He was just dangling off the roof. 
So the cops just held on to him until the fire department came, in which they brought a saw and cut the fence that Aaron climbed over.
Now, this happens every once in awhile downtown, and cops know the procedure.  Although this has never happened on my building, I've seen it happen to others.  They are mainly hotels.  They block off the streets surrounding the building, and the front of my building looked like this:
Cops everywhere, standing around.  They have way more important shit to do, but just like anyone else, they love the thrill of a jumper. 
After they sawed the fence and took custody of the jumper, they put him in the ambulance pictured above and away he went.  He had all these friends in the lobby sobbing and feeling super uncomfortable because tenants were all a buzz ("Someone tried to jump off the roof?! Who is it? That's nuts!") IN TURN, the huddle of crying friends made everyone else feel uncomfortable because it's A GROUP OF SOBBING ADULTS in, what is normally, an empty lobby.

All the while, this fucking baby is following me around and bothering me.
"Hey, I know you're busy and all, but I saw all the fire trucks and I thought it was a fire, so I ran out, and now I'm locked out.  Can you let me in?"
"Yeah, after I talk to the cops, just hold on a second."
She keeps pestering me, and being super impatient.
Bitch, I have shit to deal with.  See all the police and fire people around asking me questions?  Back up.  Your pot of boiling water can wait.  Fuck.

After all was said and done, Aaron was fine.  He apparently doesn't remember much, and he paid his rent on time.  One of my tenants is a part-time paparazzo and he finagled his way onto the roof enough to capture the action and put it on YouTube.  It has a couple hundred thousand hits.  Aaron's friends are not too happy about it.
They are literally saving his life using the wedgie method.  See how high it is?....shit.

4 comments:

Natalia said...

yes, this is def a part of being a property manager. We had a jumper at Mockingbird Station, but he wasn't as lucky. It was pretty awful. And then there was a dead body at the lofts one time...so, umm..just be prepared.

anyways, i love how you prioritize taking the photos to enhance your blog. Love it!! I actually really do appreciate the delightful read...glad that turd was ok.

In summary, people are retarded.

Phero Klendathu said...

Kinda looks like he's wearing a jockstrap?

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