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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

#30 Neighbors Be Hatin'

I have to do a lot of shit.  I am also forced into some responsibilities that aren't in my job description.  Namely, tenant relations.  Apparently, when neighbors and roommates don't like each other, they feel the need to use me as a moderator.  I don't know why.  This doesn't get me brownie points with the company I work for, nor does it make me any more money.  Not to mention, I really cannot do shit.
  • One baby cries to me about how his roommate scares him.  You chose to live with with him.  You were not forced into this roommate situation like some kind of arranged marriage from your tribal father at the age of eight.  What does he want me to do?  Sit there while I listen to them argue in my office.  Luckily for me, the roommate didn't end up showing.  
  • Another loud baby keeps getting called on because he's a music producer (a different one), and his "working" causes the walls to vibrate.  Thus, the people next to and below him hate him.  One evening, he wants me to "witness the atrocity" that has happened to him.  One of his neighbors has thrown eggs at his door and left him this note:

So the baby refuses to clean up the eggs, which I understand, but we live in an enclosed building.  It's not some apartment complex where your door opens to the outside.  Eggs in a hallway = not awesome.   And really, if you are going to vandalize and leave a bitchy note, at least check your spelling so you don't look stupid.  It's either the neighbors below, who are bitchy older queens, or the girls next door that are fresh-out-of-college aged.   Judging by the handwriting, it's got to be the girls.
  • I had another pair of babies have some loud party, and there was a scuffle in the hall way between two of their guests.  The next door neighbor opened his door to see what the noise was about, and the two dudes starting fighting their way into the neighbor's unit.  The neighbor tried to kick them out, and instead, he got hit, so he became a part of this fist fight.   It all ended with me giving the guys with the party a noise violation fine the next day, which they paid.  I'm actually really amazed by this.  No one ever pays those fines. 
  • Of course, this will end with the tenant of all tenants...Pigeon.  She's so goddamn terrible.  Her next door neighbor is this polite Christian family.  She blasts her music which she claims, "Ain't even that loud.  You feel me?" They knock on the wall they share, so she understands to turn it down.  This does not work with her.  She randomly started blasting her music at 4am the other night.  Her neighbor got woken up and went to ask her to turn it down, to which Pigeon was unresponsive and didn't even bother to open the door.  She left them this note the next day:


To those of you that can't read this chicken scratch, it states:
     TO (Who Ever)
        Yo Don't ever Knock 
        at my door At no 
        Damn 4:00 AM in the 
        morning, because the 
        music was not loud.  And 
        for the record, Yall need to 
       quit Knocking on 
       my Walls all the Damn times. 
                 Pigeon (or her real name, which you cannot even make out, so it's fine)

4 comments:

Phero Klendathu said...

I like how her handwriting is actually quite pretty, except for the few parts that look like a 3rd grader wrote them.

HASHANAH said...

i love your stuff about PIGEON! So hilarious!

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