Monday, March 14, 2011

#12 Jewel Arms

There’s a tenant that lives on the first floor.  He’s an R&B singer and rapper, always wears a backwards cap, and he has sleeves of tattoos.  Here’s the kicker, he has these rhinestone studs embedded in his arms…IN HIS FUCKING ARMS.  He also has one near his eye, like a rhinestone mole.  This is a thing? 

Anyway, Jewel Arms is dumb as shit.  

Jewel Arms has a studio setup in his loft.  He lives in a corner unit where he shares only one wall with one person.  His setup is against the wall he shares.  As you would imagine, R&B is pretty bass-y.  His neighbor he shares a wall with is a law student.  She has complained to me that his bass is vibrating her walls.  I tell him to move his setup to the corner of the room where he doesn’t share walls. 

Jewel Arms: “I am a producer, and I gotta make my music.  Tell the girl she has to respect what  I do.  I know she is studying to own a bar…” (Wrong, she is studying for the BAR) “but if she was making noise, I wouldn’t say anything.”
Mapple: “Just move your set up to the corner where you don’t share a wall with someone.  You can play it as loud as you want, unless the girl complains about it, then you’ll still have to turn it down.  At least it won’t vibrate their walls.”

He moves his shit, then he plays it too loud, and the girl complains again.
Jewel Arms:  “They are complaining again.  You said that if I moved my setup, I can play it as loud as I want!”
Mapple: “…until it bothers someone, you have to turn it down.  It clearly is bothering them past California Quiet Laws, just turn it down.  You're being selective with what you want to hear, and forgetting the rest.”

He then texts me on another evening at 11pm:
Jewel Arms: Call me plz
Mapple: If it's about your neighbors complaining about your music being too loud, then just turn it down
Jewel Arms: Yeah, but I want you to see it wit ur own eyez. 

Yes, he wants me to see his music with my eyes, and not hear it with my earz; also because using a “Z” is easier than using an “S”. 

Then his fucking stupid girlfriend emails me:
 Jewel Arms Girlfriend:
I would like to make a formal complaint.  Our neighbors are banging on our walls, and it’s very disruptive.

Seriously, bitch?  The reason why they are banging on your walls is because you are playing music too loud.   They aren’t just doing it to practice their Stomp routine. 

Jewel Arms: “Yo, Mapple, they are banging on our walls.  I don’t get it, it’s not like we are banging on their walls”
Mapple: “Your music is so loud, that it’s like you are banging on their walls." 
Jewel Arms: “Oh, I get it.”

No.  He doesn’t.  

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