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Thursday, March 15, 2012

#43 Rick Asshole

Since the biggest asshole in the building transferred out, the hole has been replaced by another sack.  Normally, when I put phone numbers in my baby monitor, it goes Unit Number - Name.  For example, #916 - Gary.  In my contacts, my #1 is input at #401 - Rick Asshole.

I first learned Rick was an asshole a month after he moved in with his roommate.  The roommate, a very polite, quiet guy came in my office asking if he can get his name off the lease and move out.

"Why do you want your name off the lease?"
"Because Rick is illogical and I didn't know he was like this when I agreed to move in with him."
"What do you mean he's illogical?"
"He doesn't think like a normal person.  Since we live in a one-bedroom, I made the living room area into my room.  I was trying to go to sleep once, and he started playing his music really loud while doing push ups."
"You just signed the lease, and I can't have your name taken off.  If he agrees to pay rent in full, then you are free to move out."

Okay, so...I don't hate the guy yet.  He may be a little weird.  It's his roommate's fault for not knowing that Rick was crazy before they moved in.

A few months after that, I get a call:
Hey, it's Rick from #401.  I won't be able to get my rent in until the 8th. 
Thanks for telling me.  Please make sure you add a late fee of $150. 
That's so much.  You can't not charge me that. 
Well...since you asked so kindly, fine.  The first late fee I can waive as a favor to you. (it's something the company does, is allow one late fee to be waived, but only if they ask, and only for the first time)
Good. 
Just know that any other time you are late, you have to pay a late fee. 
Well that's fucked up.
What?  
Every time I'm late you're charging me $150?  That's so fucked up.
It may seem like a lot, but that's to keep you from paying late. It's nothing personal. 
Yeah, but if I tell you ahead of time I'm late, it's really fucked up of you to charge me every time.  It's not my fault. 
It is your fault.  You're the one that's not keeping enough money in your account.  The late fee is the consequence. How are you not getting this?
And literally, this conversation goes on and on for no fucking reason.  I'm just repeating myself and he keeps telling me how it's 'fucked up'.  This is what made me start hating him.

The following week. I get this call:
Hello.  It's Rick's mother.  I want to pay for my son's parking as a gift. 
Sure, you can send in a payment for parking for him, but he hasn't paid rent yet, so you should probably give him money for that.   (Oh, by the way, Rick Asshole is like, 35)
Don't tell him, though.  It's a surprise.  My poor boy, he doesn't have money this month. I want to give him a present....
And then SHE wouldn't shut the fuck up about her 'poor son.'  I see where he gets it from.  I, now, not only hate Rick, but his long-winded mother, too.



Rick Asshole gave me shit about my signs during Labor Day. Which was the worst day I've ever had at this goddamn job.   He says he finds them 'inappropriate' for when he has "business clients" over.  Also that he "doesn't need a stupid reminder," because he "knows when rent is due, and knows when it's late."  He really sent me over the ledge that day
-------------
A few months later, I run into Rick Asshole at an American Apparel Warehouse sale.  He tries to say hi and butter me up.  I know he hates me. He thinks if he pretends to be all nice and friendly to me, that I'll like him. I'm sure he thinks at least if I like him, he can be on my good side.  I can see right through this motherfucker.  He's not sly enough nor good-looking enough to get away with it. 
For awhile after that, when he'd see me, he would mention meeting up at American Apparel again, like that's our only common bond of fun.  He can fuck off.
------------
We have bike racks in the basement, and it started to get really cluttered and people were just abandoning bikes.  It was a huge mess.  I put up a sign for a month that said for people to either claim their bikes and register them with me, or we are cutting the locks and giving away the bikes for donation.  Mostly everyone got their bike and registered. Those that didn't, got their lock cut and put into storage for a few days before they were donated.
*ring ring*
Hey, it's Rick!  Where's my bike?
Well, it's in storage.  We can go get it now if you want.  (It's 8pm on a Sunday night)  Let's meet in the basement.
So we meet in the basement.  He doesn't say anything and I take him into storage.  He's huffing and puffing the whole time he's  trying to find his bike in this clusterfuck of trash bikes.  He finds it and walks away without acknowledging me.
Then out of annoyance he blurts out,
"This is illegal!  How can you just cut my lock?"
"I don't know why you're mad, I had the sign up saying this was happening and on what date."
"No one reads those stupid signs, Mapple!"
"People do read them.  Maybe you should read them because there is important information on them, because if you did, we wouldn't be in this predicament."

As you can see, my interactions with Rick Asshole are not funny.  It's annoying as fuck.  That is why I have kept from talking about him. I'm only telling you this now to keep you up to date for this next entry...#44 Rick Asshole is in Eviction.
Here is a palette cleanser for the both of us


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