Thursday, July 26, 2012

#51 Pigeon VIII - Pigeon's Emergency

*ring ring*
Hey, Pigeon.  What's up?
I need maintenance to come in here right now and fix my washer dryer!  I ain't got no clean undergarments!
I saw that you put in your maintenance request.  He has a few other things to deal with first. 
Well I need him to come now!  How am I supposed to go around with no clean undergarments.  I ain't done laundry for a week!
Maintenance is working on a bigger issue right now, and we don't consider your washer/dryer not working an emergency, so he'll be around to fix it tomorrow. 
What do you mean by that?  IT'S AN EMERGENCY!  Not having undergarments is an emergency.  How ain't that an emergency?
We have a laundry room downstairs.  You can use that if you really need to. 
Why I gotta use the laundry room if I gotta washer/dryer in my place?
For when your washer/dryer is broken and you have to do laundry.
I ain't going down there.  I ain't got not tokens. 
Tokens?  What are we, Chuck E. Cheese?
Is she referring to the New York Subway tokens from the 80's?
I'm sorry.  This is not an emergency, Pigeon.  (and at this point, I am just really annoyed with her) If someone's unit was flooding and water was going everywhere, and your washer isn't working, which do you think is an emergency?
Well this is an emergency to me!  I ain't never heard anyone say a washer/dryer not working is not an emergency.  (Has she heard anyone say that it is an emergency? I'm starting to believe she doesn't know what the meaning of emergency is.)
It's not.  Maintenance will be there tomorrow. 
I ain't gotta listen to this right now!
And hangs up on me.

This irritated me, but then it made me hopeful.  I thought maybe she'll think, "I ain't like how management is treatin' me.  I don't need this!  I'm moving!"
That is what I fantasize about.
The day before, I even went ahead and sent her a link to other buildings and neighborhoods to live in, because she won't shut up about transferring.  She wants what she can't have. I'm trying to convince her we just don't have it.
I even got teased the other day when she called me to tell me that someone from Park LaBrea (a totally different apartment complex in mid-city) might call me for a reference because she applied there.  My heart was so filled with joy, and I was just hoping and wishing that this person would call me, so I can give her a glowing reference and send her on her way.
They never did.
I knew they wouldn't. 
It's too good to be true.

She called me a few days ago about transferring to a penthouse.  I told her we don't have any available.  That very day, there was a suicide jumper nearby.  This guy committed suicide by jumping from his penthouse patio onto the street below.   I told her I had some shit to do and talk to people in the building about it.  (because that's an emergency) She asked, "What building is it?  How much it cost? Can I have it?"
No, bitch.  I'm sure it's out of your price range and also YOU'RE A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING, PIGEON!


Anonymous said...

Hold up, penthouse? Can I have it?

Anonymous said...

I'm reading these backwards from #55. I have to stop because I have intimate knowledge of all of this bullshit, and it is like reliving the same real, awful stories again. Funny, though.

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