Thursday, March 15, 2012

#44 Rick Asshole is in Eviction

It's January 5th, the day I walk around and hand notices to people that haven't paid their rent yet.  I have to knock on their door and hand them the notice.  If they don't answer, I have to tape it to their door.  People hate that, as it's embarrassing to them.  I have to do this by law.  I'm pretty sure the law was written to quietly humiliate people.
Of course, #401 Rick Asshole is one of the people paying late.  When the elevator door opens to the 6th floor, I can hear music blaring.  It is, of course, Rick Asshole's unit.  I knock on his door, but of course, he doesn't answer.  I stick his notice on his door, relieved that I didn't have to see him.  The music that was blaring, in case you were wondering, was Sigur Rós.  Don't get me wrong, I liked that band fine a decade ago, but only this asshole would turn the dial to eleven in 2012. I'm sure he would describe them as this new band from Europe, that's "all thinky and cool."  Ugh, I hate this guy. 

After a few weeks of not paying, my head office sends his paperwork to eviction.  You would think that would make me happy, but not so.  It's not like we can just kick him out.  Eviction is a long bureaucratic process that takes three months to kick someone out.  This is going to be a nightmare for three months.  
"I told you I would pay rent, why am I getting evicted?"
"Because you didn't pay rent.  How do you think people go to eviction?  It's when they don't pay rent. Like what you're doing now."
After you get sent to eviction, there is an additional legal fee that the courts charge us.  He eventually paid rent and the late fee, but he did not pay the legal fee, so he's still in eviction.
"Why am I still in eviction?  I paid."
"You didn't pay the legal fee.  You will be taken out of eviction when all the fees are paid."
"This is illegal. You can't make me pay these made up fees. I'm not paying them."
"It's not illegal, and you are going to be evicted. What is illegal is you occupying a unit without paying for there's that"
This does not get through his head.  I now see how he's gotten this far in life.  He has argued and annoyed people to get his way.  Not this time.   
This went on for three months. Then he requested a court hearing to argue the legal fees.  What his dumbass doesn't notice is the court charges $300 for courtroom fees.  The legal fee he's fighting is not much more than that. I'm just hoping he pays off everything before the court date, so I don't have to go.  

Of course he doesn't pay.  I'm fucking irritated to have to even go to court.  We've all been to court.  It's terrible.  Eviction court is especially depressing.  It's full of deadbeats, the elderly and immigrants that can't pay their rent, lawyers that have generally given up on the thrill of practicing law, and landlords that want to avoid confrontation with their tenants and not look like the bad guy.  Then you have me: Annoyed that I had to wake up early and get dressed to sit in a courtroom that smells like the 60's, tweeting away my boredom. 

Here I am at court.  I don't get the way people dress when they go to court. These dregs of society are wearing open-toed shoes and cotton shorts. Where do these rock-eaters think they are, a backyard barbeque?  Show some decency.  Your are in a court of law.
I find my lawyer and sit in a courtroom for a few hours until our name is called. Of course, Rick Asshole doesn't show up.  I have to give a testimony and tell judge I want him out. 
I leave, satisfied that at least now, he's gone.  

I call the head office:
"Hey, just keeping you updated.  Rick Asshole didn't show up and we went through all the motions.  He's supposed to be out now."
"He paid everything yesterday. The court appearance was cancelled.  No one told you?"

Goddamn it.  Godfuckingdamnit!  Of course this guy waits until the very last day to pay up.  Not only did I waste my time going to and dealing with court, but the satisfaction I had with the idea of Rick Asshole out of my building had been obliterated.  

This guy is THE WORST in every single way!



Eviction Forms said...

Informative article! I hope Rick Asshole will get justice.

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